“I’m Not Being Defensive!”

This is one of the most common statements made by people who are in the midst of being defensive. It’s like people who angrily say, “I’m not angry!”

Being defensive is a common problem, because it comes out of self-centeredness, an area in which most of us are well gifted. Yes, that was a wee bit sarcastic.

When we are defensive, it not only leads to unnecessary conflict with people, it also makes it much harder to resolve conflict with people.

As people of the gospel, the only agenda we have been given for people is that of gospel reconciliation. We will not be able to fulfill that agenda with everyone, but it remains our goal at all times.

We see this truth of Christian living clearly laid before us by the Apostle Paul in 2 Corinthians 5:17-20:

“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.”

If we are to be seriously engaged in Great Commission and Great Commandment living, then we must labor at identifying and rooting out our expressions of defensiveness. Otherwise we are operating in the world perhaps with morality, but not out of the gospel.

Gavin Ortlund helps in this difficult task, with his article “Repentance vs. Defensiveness”. Gavin begins by clarifying what defensiveness looks like.

•  A defensive heart says, “But look at what I did right!” (diversion)
•  A defensive heart says, “But look at what was done to me!” (distraction)
•  A defensive heart says, “It wasn’t that bad” (downplaying)

I will add, to Gavin’s list, that a defensive heart says, “I am not defensive, so this article doesn’t apply to me” (denial)




Sweet tidbits of intrigue and scandalous information – or at least unflattering descriptions.

Gossip, typically is welcome . . . unless it is about us.

THEN – – gossip quickly is recognized as a hurtful distortion of facts, or an unnecessary revealing of truths.

Be thoughtful about how gossip is a dagger when it features you or someone you love.

THEN – – realize that gossip always has a victim, and those who share it are holding the dagger.

Even when we are “only listening”, we are in effect giving our approval like the unconverted Saul holding the robes of those who stoned Stephen.

One reason we don’t take gossip more seriously (when we are not the victim), is that we are not fully convinced of how serious it is.

Look over these passages and notice the company of sins in which the Bible places gossip.

“They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are GOSSIPS, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil” (Romans 1:29-30)

“I fear that perhaps when I come I may find you not as I wish, and that you may find me not as you wish—that perhaps there may be quarreling, jealousy, anger, hostility, slander, GOSSIP, conceit, and disorder.” (2 Corinthians 12:20)

If gossip were a person, you would not want your children spending time in their company.

Erik Raymond shares helpful thoughts in this article “How to Shut Down Gossip”.

Let’s prayerfully use Erik’s article in two ways:

#1. Strengthen our convictions to Shut Down Gossip

#2. Equip ourselves in the best ways to Shut Down Gossip

As Erik says in his conclusion, “Let’s step our game up and, starting with ourselves, work to shut down gossip.”